shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
