Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
