I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
