nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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