And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
