So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
