True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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