They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
