Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
