If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
