He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
