and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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