dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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