Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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