You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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