I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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