i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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