My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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