sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
