Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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