Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
