Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
