somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
