420 ftw
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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