omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
