I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
