you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize