cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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