i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
