that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
