This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
