you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize