I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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