I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize