doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
