I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
