My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
