sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize