Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
