i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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