i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
