i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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