i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
