I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
