He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize