if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
