Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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