I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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