he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
