tell your sister to shave her snatch
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize