I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
