Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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