I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
