We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
