the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
