i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
