her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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