Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
