I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
