I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
