You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
