Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize