So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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