Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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