dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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