i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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