the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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