So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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