Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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