apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
