cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Welp...herpes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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