I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
