I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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