At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The Olympian is in my bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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