can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
