I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize