I want to have your abortion
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
