I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
