pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
