as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
