So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
