I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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