at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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