somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize