brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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