Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
