The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize