My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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