dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
