What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
