I hate all girls vehemently.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
