this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So many bounce houses so little time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize