I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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