I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
