I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
