Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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